Brand New Start

Hello again. 

Well, I actually deleted all my previous blog posts cause they all sounded so ridiculous and pretentious when I read it. Like what the hell was I thinking? I decided that I should start everything all over again.

I actually created this blog about 2 years ago to try and impress my ex-boyfriend. Kidding. I actually love writing and since I know I'm gonna end up losing or throwing my notebooks/diaries away, why not have an online diary? 

So a lot has happened these past 2 years. Made friends, lost friends. Thought I've found the love of my life, but I was wrong. Quit school, enrolled to another school and then quit school again. I know I sound messed up, I am. But come on, I'm just another human being living life. It doesn't get easier. But it's okay(I'm slowly dying).

I turned 19 in June this year. And let me tell you something that my older siblings or cousins or friends SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME, BEING 19 SUCKS. I believe many of you have the same thought. Reality hits you hard at this age. It makes you realize that you're not as young anymore. You need to start taking up responsibilities that you're really not prepared for. Most of my friends are graduating next year and they don't even know what they're going to do after graduation. They're all scared. It's getting more and more competitive each day. And that's not all. We kept worrying about when we're finally going to be stable enough to settle down(well...this topic is usually discussed between me and my best friend but I'm sure most of them are thinking of it too).

Well to me, the hardest part of being 19 is trying to get my shit together after everything that's happened last year. I'll spare you the lame story about school some other time, let me talk about my ultimate fall.

Sadly, I got used to losing friends. Because friends come and go, that's the reality of it. But the shittiest thing that one shouldn't have to face is losing that special someone whom they thought they would grow old with. Maybe this is another pathetic love story to you, but i don't care, I'm gonna share with you anyway. So...I was together with this guy last year for 8 months. It doesn't seem long but it was my longest relationship. I'm the kind of person who doesn't stay. I get bored easily with my partner. But this guy is different. He's really not like other guys. Average looks, average height, smart(like really smart). And the best part is, we have nothing in common. Okay, there's one thing. We're a fan of the tv show, 'The Big Bang Theory'. But besides that, both of us are really complete opposites. 

So long story short, the relationship ended because he cheated on me. I know you guys hate cheaters. But trust me, he has a good reason(good enough for me at least). The breakup broke me. I couldn't see him cause everyone hated him. And though I accepted his explanation and apology, still it hurt. Cause it was throughout the 8 months and it was with someone he was with for 3 years. 

It hurt at that point. I felt as though my life was slowly crumbling down. I had no one. I couldn't sleep well, I was so depressed i ate my heart out until i gained weight. I've never experienced this before so I really couldn't cope with everything. No proper education, depressing love life, my dad was so disappointed he wouldn't even wanna talk to me at one point. It was that bad. I felt useless, I forgot my worth.I was at my lowest. Isn't It amazing how a bad experience with just one person could make your life seems worthless? Hah. Glad that's over.

But the greatest part about this experience is that, It motivates me to become a better person. I've also learned that you can only depend on yourself for your happiness. People could be there to help you get up, but ultimately you yourself have to pull yourself up. Nothing is going to hit you harder than life. So, while  you're still alive and well, make everything count. 

So this is to the new life, the better me and to a wonderful brand new start:)